30 Things not to say to your Nurse Manager

Stories - Bull HornNurse Managers are a special type of nurse, and it takes a special personality to guide a floor and achieve the best results. However, sometimes managers can get on your nerves, and it’s impossible to avoid the urge to insult them at one time or another.

Here are 30 things you may want to say to your manager, but probably shouldn’t. Of course, they are meant as tongue-in-cheek reminders of how hard nursing is, and how hard managers work.

Managers deserve the utmost respect in most cases. Sometimes it helps to blow off some steam with a few jokes… but don’t say these things to your manager, even if you are thinking them.

1. My, that pantsuit makes you look aggressive.

2. I’m slightly drunk, so if I could have an easier assignment, that would be great.

3. I need two weeks off right now to find myself.

4. I think the dress code is stupid, so I’m going to wear these purple sneakers.

5. It wasn’t me.

6. That was the other nurse’s fault. I had nothing to do with it.

7. I love having ten patient assignments!

8. Could I take a nap in your office, you know, just for fifteen minutes?

9. Judy said that Carol said that Matt said you were a bad manager.

10. I have no idea who ambushed you with a water gun on your way in.

11. Why don’t you take an assignment and then we’ll talk?

12. You came from a different floor, so you have no idea what it is like on this floor.

13. You don’t have a BSN, so I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.

14. As management, you are only interested in the bottom line.

15. Whose ass did you have to kiss to get this plum job?

16. I could do this so much better than you.

17. We’re short staffed, so could you sit with this patient who is acting up?

18. Could we spend two hours for me to tell you how screwed up your floor is?

19. The other floors get 12 hour shifts. Why can’t we?

20. Isn’t it time we had another pizza party?

21. Who cares about Press Gainey?

22. I went to the director of nursing about this because I didn’t think you’d do anything.

23. I don’t have childcare, so I won’t be in today.

24. Why don’t you make me charge nurse more often so that I don’t have to have an assignment?

25. I don’t like new nurses, so don’t make me a preceptor.

26. My night was so easy that I played on the internet and knitted a scarf.

27. Do you know that everyone was on their cellphones last night? Not me, though.

28. Why can’t I sleep if I have downtime on night shift?

29. I wish you would give me a raise considering I do everything around here.

30. I didn’t turn the fall alarm on because it was annoying me.

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