Nurses aren’t generally passive aggressive, but they probably would if they could be. The pressures of the job may give them a reason to want to fire back inappropriate responses, but professionalism dictates they can’t.
So, nurses let these things fly under their breath where no one can hear them. This is especially true if the nurse has a bit of a sarcastic bent. Just make sure you don’t say any of these too loud or you will wind up in some hot water.
1. You’re welcome.
2. The “h” in hospital doesn’t stand for hotel.
3. I’m sure you’re allergic to Tylenol.
4. Ring the call bell one more time, and I’m going to lose my mind.
5. Prn means as necessary, not every four hours.
6. Yeah, two beers.
7. Would you like fries with that?
8. Yes, Herr Docktor.
9. Go ahead, blood pressure, make my day.
10. Sure that bedsore happened over night.
11. I bet you think the louder you scream at me the more you care about your family member.
12. Various swear words that have no place in a professional setting, strung together in a creative way to release tension.
13. Maybe go to dialysis on your day next time, ma’am.
14. A bag of Doritos is not an acceptable snack for a diabetic, you know.
15. Where is my Ativan diffuser?
16. Yes, I’m sure your pain is the worst pain you’ve ever felt ever in your life ever.
17. Another three call offs. I don’t know how much more I can take.
18. This person is going to code tonight, mark my words.
19. If she says one more time about how hard she works . . .
20. Just keep swimming, just keeping swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do, we swim, swim, swim.
21. Patience is a virtue, and I am a virtuous nurse.
22. What kind of facility lets a patient get that bad?
23. How can I help you when I’m drowning myself?
24. If you would have waited for me, you would not have fallen.
25. Oh, look, the hall is a Christmas tree.
26. Please give me the call off. Please give me the call off.
27. Oh, God, my feet hurt so bad.
28. I want sleep. I want coffee. I want food. I want to pee.
29. Whoever stole my pen is only going to find it again after a proctology consult.
30. I love my patients.