40 things nurses shouldn’t say to their coworkers

When you work on a nursing unit you get to know your coworkers pretty well. Sometimes you’ll pass jokes between you for a little laugh, or maybe to ease some tension.

However, there are just some things you shouldn’t say if you want to get along. Here’s a tongue in cheek look at a list of possible phrases that might get you in trouble with your coworkers.

1. Wow, it’s been a quiet shift.

2. Your patient’s IV bag has run dry.

3. My patient soiled himself. Would you like me to help you when you clean him up?

4. I’m going to lunch.

5. Can you take my patient to the bathroom while I chart?

6. I don’t use hand sanitizer. I don’t like the way it smells.

7. What would Florence Nightingale do?

8. I’m going to go home while you stay after and catch up on your work, okay?

9. Take your time getting the crash cart. He’ll be okay.

10. My, unit manager, you look so good today. Did you lose weight?

11. I’m going for my third cigarette break of the shift.

12. I don’t lift.

13. Code browns are for CNAs.

14. You’re going to hate me, but I didn’t finish this on my shift. Will you finish it?

15. The patient refused his inhaler because I didn’t want to wake him up.

16. You’re good at IVs. Will you fix my patient’s?

17. You’re going to have the assignment from hell tonight.

18. I know you have seven patients, but you get the next admit.

19. I don’t feel so good. I don’t think I will be in tomorrow.

20. I hate those isolation gowns, so I don’t wear them.

21. Washing my hands takes way too much time that I don’t have.

22. Could you take my patient to x-ray and sit with them for 45 minutes?

23. I have a doctor calling back, so don’t leave this phone. Get me when she calls.

24. I can’t take another patient. I only take five. That’s my rule.

25. I was using that computer an hour ago, so now you have to give it back.

26. Can someone fix the printer? I don’t know how it works.

27. Oh, I just called that doctor. I didn’t know you needed him.

28. You’ll get used to it.

29. Your patient went into afib an hour ago, and I forgot to tell you.

30. Don’t you love the smell of my expensive perfume?

31. I wear all of my jewelry to work, and I don’t take it off for anything.

32. I love my acrylic nails.

33. I have a facial tattoo and no one will hire me as a nurse.

34. I don’t see why we have to do this training over and over again. It’s not like I’ll forget.

35. What’s this medicine for again?

36. I have a headache. I think I’m going to go home.

37. I have the hardest, most stressful assignment on this floor. Why isn’t everyone helping me?

38. What do you think are the chances of me hooking up with that hot doctor?

39. I only take a few pills now and then. The patient isn’t in pain.

40. I love being a nurse. Could you answer that call light for me?

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