This is always a difficult spot to be in and I am right there with you. Every situation will be different but for me I no longer argue about the things I know my mother will not be compliant about. She has a physician and nurses at the office to tell her those same things. I will not contribute to bad habits by picking up things for her at the store that are bad choices but will help in other ways that I can. I do assist by going to Dr visits to help explain terminology and so I know what is going on in terms of treatment plan and meds. If my mother starts to say something mean she knows the visit is ended. Being elderly and ill is not a free pass to be abusive. For me the bottom line is that my mother have a place to live, food to eat, and to the extent that she will comply, the healthcare she needs. This is my duty to her. Being abused by her is not my duty and I will not allow that to become a part nor will I allow guilt about what I can’t do. I hope this helps. Good luck.