November 29, 2013 at 8:41 PM #10727
When I entered nursing school it was purely a challenge. 3 generations of women had tried and failed to become nurses. My grandmother, mother, and sister tried to become nurses and failed…all for different reasons. I formulated a plan. I would conquer nursing school and become a nurse midwife. Well I hit the L&D rotation of clinical and hated it. I realized with varying hygiene and loss involved…it wasn’t what I was called to do.
I conquered nursing school…first woman in my family to be a college graduate and to my surprise. ..I graduated with honors…from nursing school. ..Mrs 2.8 GPA in high school….actually president of the honor society…Wow!
So now what?
I did my preceptorship in cardiac care. I liked it and thought…well maybe. I got my first Job In Medsurge like most new grads. The unit was ortho neuro tele peds with a little gyn mixed in….go figure! I learned a lot my first year but the turn over rate for pts was high. That caused a lot of stress and ppw. I often went home worried did I finish this or that …realizing my focus wasn’t on the pt…I brought my concerns to the manager…
Let’s just say. ..I transferred to the pulmonary renal floor a month later. 2 yrs into my career I was burnt out and stressed…felt like a glorified pill pusher that never had a restful day off. I prayed it would get better but it never did. One day my skills were put to the test when a physician discharged a pt I felt wasn’t ready to go. When I brought my concerns to the d/c doc no response…my charge nurse still no response. My pt wasn’t technically in distress but I knew…He was diaphoretic and not the same…I Called the pre code or PIT… (patient in trouble) team….vitals stable…d/c they said. I called the sw and tries to delay the rehab bed…no luck. As the ambulance arrives to transfer him to rehab…I told my charge nurse I wouldn’t sign off on his d/c… she did…He died on a vent a week later in ICU… He didn’t make it half way to the rehab center. They said he threw a PE. 2 weeks later I put my notice in. I was ok because I charted my tail off but still it didn’t help my pt. My worst fear. I sent him out to die.
So now what. Had I conquered nursing school for nothing?
No! I prayed and read up on all scopes of nursing field. All my pts seem to love me….
I love caring for people…helping them. So many seemed to look me up and send me heartfelt notes and cards…messages in social media. So when I left the hospital I knew I had to find a way to continue nursing on. A friend of mine called me when she learned I had quit med surge. She had been in hospice. I read up on palliative care when my father in law was terminal and in a palliative care wing. The nurses there were fantastic. I thought why not explore this field. 7 months later…
I have found my calling. I am a home hospice case manager. I hear so many times. ..
Oh I could never do that…
Well I can.
I say goodbye….and yes watch them die.
Knowing my pts are in a better place is peaceful for me. My spiritual side gives wisdom to loved ones and my size and smile comfort the dying and alone. I am there at their worst and am able to make a difference. I have found my calling.
What is your calling?
Have you found your field in nursing yet?
Do you fit in on your unit?
Do you know your strengths and weaknesses?September 6, 2014 at 11:11 PM #16054
I’m going through the same kind of thing right now. I dread going to work everyday and need to change something fast. Hopefully I will have so prayers answered here soon. I have yet to find my area of nursing but am still newSeptember 6, 2014 at 11:20 PM #16055
I’m not a Registered Nurse yet, I graduate in May 2015. But, during one of my senior rotations I was placed in a cardiac/Renal/palliative unit. I have found my calling. I learned so much about fluid balance, electrolytes, and things of that nature that it blows my mind when I look back at it.September 7, 2014 at 7:02 AM #16056
I knew from the start I wanted ICU. I was fortunate to get a job in an ICU straight after graduation. I have learned so much and I feel I am where I belong. I still leave some days thinking there was something I didn’t do, or chart but all the other nurses assure me they still feel that way sometimes.
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