I’ve been an RN for a long time. I worked at a hospital a few years ago, one of my parents was admitted, diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Less than 3 weeks later my surviving parent (my other parent died 7 years prior) died at home on hospice. I remained at the hospital working 3 months afterwards..I resigned because it was just too difficult to be there and sometimes floated to the exact unit and taking care of a patient in the exact room life, as I knew it, fell completely apart. Fast forward 6 years..I reapplied to the hospital, was hired and have been there about 4 months. At first, I thought I could “deal” with being back in the same place where everything took place. I was so sure when I reapplied and was rehired that I was “ok” , ignoring the gut feeling that it just wasn’t right my being there again. As the months have passed with my being back, I have become more depressed, withdrawn, think about the past constantly, am reminded often about “that time” when I interact with MD’s or nurses who were there at the time. I went from FT to PRN thinking that may help… and haven’t worked in over a month. When I am contacted about working or think about going back, I cannot express the anxiety that is brought forth.
I have picked up a part time job at a clinic to cover bills and until I can decide what to do. I am not a “wuss”, one to over-dramatize. My reaction to having returned has caught me completely off guard. As much as I like hospital itself, I really do not think I can stay. It’s not working in a hospital, it’s this hospital that is the issue. I don’t know if this post makes any sense but even as I sit here, writing this out, I know the only healthy choice is to resign. Does anyone see it any differently?
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