As I was binging on NOVA last week, I sensed impending doom. I couldn’t help but contemplate the apocalypse.
After all, I was watching programs about out of control earth bound asteroids, megaquakes, super volcanoes, and global viral pandemics.
Albeit statistically improbable – I was drenched in fear.
If a new virus burned through the human population, we’d be front and center. And we can’t outrun asteroids, avoid earthquakes, or survive volcanic nuclear winter. We’d be, well, screwed.
And then, as if things couldn’t get worse, I thought about the zombies, especially the kind that can run freaky fast and smell human pheromones. If some sort of worldwide zombie virus hit the streets, we’d have to hit the streets. We couldn’t go to work.
I mean – think about it. Nurses would be the first to be exposed, the first to become lunch.
All hospitals – at least those outside the safe zones – would be overrun by the undead. Essentially, if we went to work, we’d welcome chaos, the brain eating variety.
I can’t duplicate the genius of Max Brooks or top his The Zombie Survival Guide, but here are a few tips, or no brainers, for you.
1) Don’t go to work. Well, unless you want to be lunch. Haven’t you seen “Silent Hill” or “Dawn of the Dead”? If you have, you know nurses don’t fare well.
2) Don’t try to nurse the community. If you do, you’ll probably catch some sort of zombie virus or something else. Haven’t you seen “The Walking Dead” lately?
3) Don’t use your stethoscope as a weapon. It won’t do much, except maybe spread your pheromones. Remember, those bastards have a keen sense of smell.
4) Run like hell, away from ground zero. If a zombie apocalypse happens, we don’t have time to run codes.
5) If you drop the baby, pick it up. I can’t tell you to leave the baby, just grab the little vector and run like hell.